I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
