There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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