His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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