I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
