Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
