I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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