White coat. Heels.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
