there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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