dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
