i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you made out with another girl for some wings
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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