you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
