doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize