There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
