The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
