he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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