I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
