Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
