You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
