Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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