uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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