any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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