direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
