just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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