so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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