Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
