either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
