Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
