i just had sex bonerless
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
