as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
