You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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