I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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