I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
