Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
