so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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