Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
