You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
