i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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