I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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