I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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