ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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