so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
