doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
