I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize