the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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