my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
