happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
