i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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