So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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