all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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