Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If I die, sorry about rent.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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