Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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