I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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