It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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