2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
