I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
