so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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