sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
