i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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