wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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