wanna go halves on a baby?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
