I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
