I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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