So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
