and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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