Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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