I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We had to coat check the pizza.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
