Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
