Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Randomize
