Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
