census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
