exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize