Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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