Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
