She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
