i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
