Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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