So drunk, too bad you don't want this
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
