I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
