He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
