Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
