I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
