You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
