She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
