Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm passing your future prison.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
