you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
