so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize