I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
