She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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