I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
