i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Never joke about your clitoris.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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