It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
