He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
