awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
