I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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