worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You pole danced in your parka.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
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