sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
