Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
