Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
