I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
